As I touched on in my very first post, I didn't immediately come into undergraduate research. I began as a bright eyed freshman at NC State working towards my Electrical Engineering degree. As 1 of only 7 women in the major, I had little idea of some of the challenges I would be facing and was little prepared. I struggled through the program and faced hurdles I didn't know would be there and still were unaware of as I dragged them through my first 3 semesters. I just knew something was wrong, and I was failing to entirely get away from it.
Fortunately, NC State has recognized these issues that women in STEM face and had a Women In Science and Engineering (WISE) program on campus I was part of. They advocated for me much more than a realized at the time, defending me when my own female academic adviser refused to help. At the time I didn't realize I was being treated differently from my male classmates. It was afterwards, right before I left NC State that we talked about different professors and it came up just how negligent my adviser had been to me, and not them, my male classmates. I blamed myself entirely for my "failure". I lost my confidence as a student. Never before had I tried to tackle a subject and come up entirely empty handed.
Of course I do accept responsibility for my not succeeding. Yes, I could've studied more. Yes, I could've hired a tutor. Yes, I could've done a lot of things to succeed. I believe if I had recognized the situation I was in sooner, and been given the tools to tackle it, I would've done better. I would've taken the advice given to me from women who'd already done it. I would've better utilized the WISE program.
Fortunately, NC State has recognized these issues that women in STEM face and had a Women In Science and Engineering (WISE) program on campus I was part of. They advocated for me much more than a realized at the time, defending me when my own female academic adviser refused to help. At the time I didn't realize I was being treated differently from my male classmates. It was afterwards, right before I left NC State that we talked about different professors and it came up just how negligent my adviser had been to me, and not them, my male classmates. I blamed myself entirely for my "failure". I lost my confidence as a student. Never before had I tried to tackle a subject and come up entirely empty handed.
Of course I do accept responsibility for my not succeeding. Yes, I could've studied more. Yes, I could've hired a tutor. Yes, I could've done a lot of things to succeed. I believe if I had recognized the situation I was in sooner, and been given the tools to tackle it, I would've done better. I would've taken the advice given to me from women who'd already done it. I would've better utilized the WISE program.
Before leaving NC State, I was unsure of what path to take next, so I did some volunteer work in the Raleigh area. I volunteered at a hospital and a homeless shelter to see what captivated me the most. At the hospital I cleaned and stocked rooms in the emergency room, and I enjoyed it. My mom worked at a hospital growing up, so I am comfortable with the environment. Everyone buzzes around so confidently. At the homeless shelter I taught women and their children how to knit. I had collected donated knitting supplies for them to keep and taught them how to knit warm caps and hats. I knitted clothes for their babies, but when I would return the next week with a complete item, the mothers would be gone. They'd been asked to leave when they couldn't follow the shelter rules. It really took from me emotionally and I knew it was not a profession I could handle.
So, feeling a tad deflated (which is good for your ego sometimes), I headed to Radford University for a super new start: new school, new major, new city, new GPA. I began as a nursing major and it was great. I loved the content, the coursework, the returning confidence as a student. My first semester applying to the nursing program I was not accepted, but I still had a great GPA at RU so I decided to spend my off semester trying out Biology and as suggested by my anatomy and physiology professor, undergraduate research.
I can still remember the moment when Dr. O'Brien mentioned research to me, somewhat dramatized now with dim lights and her face glowing with the reflection of her computer screen. I said "Yes, I am interested in research"... I'm sure she knew I had no idea what research meant. I was just blowing off time. Maybe even to help me get into nursing school the next semester. I kept nodding as she talked as if I had an idea what she was saying Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals...BPA. I don't even think we'd covered the endocrine system in A&P yet. She told me to come to the Ecophysiology meetings to "get my feet wet". Whatever that meant. Read more about my first Ecophysiology meeting here.
So I went to the meetings to pass the time until nursing school. I didn't really think I'd like it. I knew that being a nurse was what I wanted to do (for the record, no 19 year old should be allowed to say that). But I went to the meeting, and my mind was opened up to this entire world. I never knew science could be like that. Research is such a foreboding and separating word. Few actually know what it means (including my own parents at first). Despite being so interested, I wasn't really sure if I could do it, but I pushed through that. I started going to lab meetings.
In the next fall, when I got my acceptance letter into nursing school, a single slot in 46, I confidently declined. There was no way I could go back to nursing when I'd experienced the excitement and exploration of science. My mind wouldn't have tolerated it. So, I decided I would do research, and it would help me get into medical school. I was going to be a doctor.
Into the next year and summer I continued with research, I took the MCAT twice, I filled out my common applications, I sent my transcripts and scores in. The more I did research though, the more I felt this itch in the back of my head. "How could I give this up?" In a way, becoming a doctor felt constricting and linear. If I became an MD, all I could be was an MD. With research there were so many possibilities. I realized with research, I had the opportunity to choose the career I wanted from a long list of options. I spoke with others about it. Professors who had worked in the industry and academia and those who had also considered medical school. General, they'd had the same thinking as I. So I decided to go for graduate school instead, read about it here.
I can still remember the moment when Dr. O'Brien mentioned research to me, somewhat dramatized now with dim lights and her face glowing with the reflection of her computer screen. I said "Yes, I am interested in research"... I'm sure she knew I had no idea what research meant. I was just blowing off time. Maybe even to help me get into nursing school the next semester. I kept nodding as she talked as if I had an idea what she was saying Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals...BPA. I don't even think we'd covered the endocrine system in A&P yet. She told me to come to the Ecophysiology meetings to "get my feet wet". Whatever that meant. Read more about my first Ecophysiology meeting here.
So I went to the meetings to pass the time until nursing school. I didn't really think I'd like it. I knew that being a nurse was what I wanted to do (for the record, no 19 year old should be allowed to say that). But I went to the meeting, and my mind was opened up to this entire world. I never knew science could be like that. Research is such a foreboding and separating word. Few actually know what it means (including my own parents at first). Despite being so interested, I wasn't really sure if I could do it, but I pushed through that. I started going to lab meetings.
In the next fall, when I got my acceptance letter into nursing school, a single slot in 46, I confidently declined. There was no way I could go back to nursing when I'd experienced the excitement and exploration of science. My mind wouldn't have tolerated it. So, I decided I would do research, and it would help me get into medical school. I was going to be a doctor.
Into the next year and summer I continued with research, I took the MCAT twice, I filled out my common applications, I sent my transcripts and scores in. The more I did research though, the more I felt this itch in the back of my head. "How could I give this up?" In a way, becoming a doctor felt constricting and linear. If I became an MD, all I could be was an MD. With research there were so many possibilities. I realized with research, I had the opportunity to choose the career I wanted from a long list of options. I spoke with others about it. Professors who had worked in the industry and academia and those who had also considered medical school. General, they'd had the same thinking as I. So I decided to go for graduate school instead, read about it here.
"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive"
-Robert Louis Stevenson
Learning Outcomes 5