As I touched on in my very first post, coming into research has been a unique journey. I first attended the Ecophysiology Lab meetings because I had an extra semester before I would start Nursing School at RU and had heard from my now mentor, Dr. Sara O'Brien that it was a positive way to spend some extra time. She encouraged me to attend the lab meetings to "get my feet wet". So I went.
Dr. O'Brien had tried to prepare me. She sent me what was my first scientific paper ever and she told me it might be difficult and hard to read (my ego said "sure it will"). I remember her talking about this thing called BPA that I'd heard of but never understood. She used a lot of words that sounded made up at the time like Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals that affected the magical endocrine system. Despite the New Words buzzing in my head just under the scalp not quite finding their way in I left her office with this Magical Paper in my hands.
I probably spent hours trying to decode that thing. I might still have it somewhere, covered in blue and purple pen ink with side definitions and pink highlighted sections that I would probably smile at now. I had a general idea of what was going on...I remember I got stuck on the part where they sacrificed the mice through decapitation (because I read all the methodology).
So I went to the Ecophysiology meeting with my marked-up paper and tried to make friends with some well seasoned researchers...ALL upperclassmen who'd done things like "presented at conferences" and "done research"...whatever that meant. I nervously introduced myself and heard about everyone's research. At the time it all went over my head. And then, the paper discussion began...
It was amazing that I didn't get up and run out of the room; I'm sure I eyed the door a few times. As a began to further comprehend the paper (turns out I didn't get it at all), I was horrified. BPA does WHAT to baby mouse brains? Yes, I remember the details because it was so traumatic ;),
I thought, "I can't do this. I am not smart enough for this. I will never be like them. I'll never be able to comprehend this enough to discuss this," and as my eyes bugged out of my head I listened. It was also interesting. It was more interesting than anything I'd heard in my life and I needed to take part.
I tried to soak up as much knowledge I could so that I might be a Madagascar hissing cockroach in the room. I was an imposter but I would stay until they found me out.
Dr. O'Brien had tried to prepare me. She sent me what was my first scientific paper ever and she told me it might be difficult and hard to read (my ego said "sure it will"). I remember her talking about this thing called BPA that I'd heard of but never understood. She used a lot of words that sounded made up at the time like Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals that affected the magical endocrine system. Despite the New Words buzzing in my head just under the scalp not quite finding their way in I left her office with this Magical Paper in my hands.
I probably spent hours trying to decode that thing. I might still have it somewhere, covered in blue and purple pen ink with side definitions and pink highlighted sections that I would probably smile at now. I had a general idea of what was going on...I remember I got stuck on the part where they sacrificed the mice through decapitation (because I read all the methodology).
So I went to the Ecophysiology meeting with my marked-up paper and tried to make friends with some well seasoned researchers...ALL upperclassmen who'd done things like "presented at conferences" and "done research"...whatever that meant. I nervously introduced myself and heard about everyone's research. At the time it all went over my head. And then, the paper discussion began...
It was amazing that I didn't get up and run out of the room; I'm sure I eyed the door a few times. As a began to further comprehend the paper (turns out I didn't get it at all), I was horrified. BPA does WHAT to baby mouse brains? Yes, I remember the details because it was so traumatic ;),
I thought, "I can't do this. I am not smart enough for this. I will never be like them. I'll never be able to comprehend this enough to discuss this," and as my eyes bugged out of my head I listened. It was also interesting. It was more interesting than anything I'd heard in my life and I needed to take part.
I tried to soak up as much knowledge I could so that I might be a Madagascar hissing cockroach in the room. I was an imposter but I would stay until they found me out.
I kept going to meetings and working hard to try and catch up. It was one of the few times in my life I'd felt behind. I impostered my way from Spring to Fall semester. I did my own literature and web searches. In October of that Fall I presented my first paper. It was a wonderful sense of freedom getting to choose my own paper on ANYTHING. I spent hours literature jumping to find something that I wanted to discuss with my lab mates, paper to paper. I still felt like I was faking it. Despite knowing significantly more about the topics and occasionally participating in paper discussions, I was often scared of sounding stupid.
Whether I realized it or not I continued to grow, to gain more knowledge about endocrinology, stress, reproduction, and even about my own biases in my thinking. I learned about social constructs and my own biases that influenced and hindered my critical thinking. That entire semester while I thought I was "tricking" them into having me, they were "tricking" me into learning. Joke was on me.
Whether I realized it or not I continued to grow, to gain more knowledge about endocrinology, stress, reproduction, and even about my own biases in my thinking. I learned about social constructs and my own biases that influenced and hindered my critical thinking. That entire semester while I thought I was "tricking" them into having me, they were "tricking" me into learning. Joke was on me.
"That entire semester while I thought I was 'tricking' them into having me, they were 'tricking' me into learning"
The true test came when Dr. O'Brien pushed me into writing a grant proposal for the Biology Research Award to fund my "research". I still didn't believe it even then. It was December 4th, 2013. I texted her from work 2 HOURS before the proposal was due and said "I don't think I can do it". To me, the unsaid part was "I'll just go to Nursing School. It's safer." Dr. O'Brien called me and she talked me through it; she made it sound attainable. So I got off the phone and quickly typed up the proposal at work (it only had to be a page) and I submitted it two minutes before it was due.
After writing that proposal, I realized I had all the critical thinking skills needed to do this. The only thing standing in my way was ME. At that point I flipped the switched and really thought "I can do this, I am smart enough to do this." It just took practice, interest, and a willingness to learn.
Critical thinking just took practice. It took listening, learning, and asking questions to gain critical thinking, but it too work to get my confidence. I pretended until I realized that I can do it and it was a tad overdue.
After writing that proposal, I realized I had all the critical thinking skills needed to do this. The only thing standing in my way was ME. At that point I flipped the switched and really thought "I can do this, I am smart enough to do this." It just took practice, interest, and a willingness to learn.
Critical thinking just took practice. It took listening, learning, and asking questions to gain critical thinking, but it too work to get my confidence. I pretended until I realized that I can do it and it was a tad overdue.
Learning Outcomes 1