Category: About Me

West Coast Emily

3/2/2017

The Big Move

So last September I moved to Davis, California to attend the University of California - Davis and we DROVE here from the east coast!

I must say - I think a trans-US road trip is something everyone should experience... maybe not with their parents, two fish, and a potted plant but hey, you do what you gotta do. But really - the trip was incredible. We ended up taking I-70 most of the way. Here's the crew:

Henrietta the plant (she looks much better now I promise)

My parents and I

Bill and Ted the goldfish

My absolute favorite state we went through was Utah. We stopped at the Salt Lakes for an afternoon - absolutely stunning! Between the lakes, the salt flats, and the desert it was just full of sights/sites to see. Here's some of the trip highlights:

Ohio

Kansas

Colorado

Utah

And eventually, with minimal deaths, we made it!

California Girl

So there's a lot of weird stuff about California. First of all, there's a California accent! The longer I'm here the more I can distinguish it. Who knew? Second of all, they call the highways "freeways" and there's these bumpy reflectors on the "freeway" lines that make a lot of noise when you cross them. Third of all, I think California might be a little bit magic.

Evidence:

The first day I rode my bike to campus I passed a field and the sky was filled with hot air balloons! The colors and sunshine... took my breath away
There's a TON of great beer here - enough said
There's a neighborhood near my apartment where everything is named after Lord of the Rings. Everything. There's even a school
Plastic bag ban (I LOVE this)
The Farmer's Market - I swear this is magic all on its own. There's music and food and a carousel!
There are bike paths everywhere, never in my life did I think I might experience trouble finding bicycle parking =)

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How I Got Here and Where I'm Going

4/17/2015

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As I touched on in my very first post, I didn't immediately come into undergraduate research. I began as a bright eyed freshman at NC State working towards my Electrical Engineering degree. As 1 of only 7 women in the major, I had little idea of some of the challenges I would be facing and was little prepared. I struggled through the program and faced hurdles I didn't know would be there and still were unaware of as I dragged them through my first 3 semesters. I just knew something was wrong, and I was failing to entirely get away from it.

Fortunately, NC State has recognized these issues that women in STEM face and had a Women In Science and Engineering (WISE) program on campus I was part of. They advocated for me much more than a realized at the time, defending me when my own female academic adviser refused to help. At the time I didn't realize I was being treated differently from my male classmates. It was afterwards, right before I left NC State that we talked about different professors and it came up just how negligent my adviser had been to me, and not them, my male classmates. I blamed myself entirely for my "failure". I lost my confidence as a student. Never before had I tried to tackle a subject and come up entirely empty handed.

Of course I do accept responsibility for my not succeeding. Yes, I could've studied more. Yes, I could've hired a tutor. Yes, I could've done a lot of things to succeed. I believe if I had recognized the situation I was in sooner, and been given the tools to tackle it, I would've done better. I would've taken the advice given to me from women who'd already done it. I would've better utilized the WISE program.

My WISE group freshman year. Summer 2010. I'm on the front row, farthest on the right.

Before leaving NC State, I was unsure of what path to take next, so I did some volunteer work in the Raleigh area. I volunteered at a hospital and a homeless shelter to see what captivated me the most. At the hospital I cleaned and stocked rooms in the emergency room, and I enjoyed it. My mom worked at a hospital growing up, so I am comfortable with the environment. Everyone buzzes around so confidently. At the homeless shelter I taught women and their children how to knit. I had collected donated knitting supplies for them to keep and taught them how to knit warm caps and hats. I knitted clothes for their babies, but when I would return the next week with a complete item, the mothers would be gone. They'd been asked to leave when they couldn't follow the shelter rules. It really took from me emotionally and I knew it was not a profession I could handle.

Me studying A&P in the library Spring 2013

So, feeling a tad deflated (which is good for your ego sometimes), I headed to Radford University for a super new start: new school, new major, new city, new GPA. I began as a nursing major and it was great. I loved the content, the coursework, the returning confidence as a student. My first semester applying to the nursing program I was not accepted, but I still had a great GPA at RU so I decided to spend my off semester trying out Biology and as suggested by my anatomy and physiology professor, undergraduate research.

I can still remember the moment when Dr. O'Brien mentioned research to me, somewhat dramatized now with dim lights and her face glowing with the reflection of her computer screen. I said "Yes, I am interested in research"... I'm sure she knew I had no idea what research meant. I was just blowing off time. Maybe even to help me get into nursing school the next semester. I kept nodding as she talked as if I had an idea what she was saying Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals...BPA. I don't even think we'd covered the endocrine system in A&P yet. She told me to come to the Ecophysiology meetings to "get my feet wet". Whatever that meant. Read more about my first Ecophysiology meeting here.

So I went to the meetings to pass the time until nursing school. I didn't really think I'd like it. I knew that being a nurse was what I wanted to do (for the record, no 19 year old should be allowed to say that). But I went to the meeting, and my mind was opened up to this entire world. I never knew science could be like that. Research is such a foreboding and separating word. Few actually know what it means (including my own parents at first). Despite being so interested, I wasn't really sure if I could do it, but I pushed through that. I started going to lab meetings.

In the next fall, when I got my acceptance letter into nursing school, a single slot in 46, I confidently declined. There was no way I could go back to nursing when I'd experienced the excitement and exploration of science. My mind wouldn't have tolerated it. So, I decided I would do research, and it would help me get into medical school. I was going to be a doctor.

Into the next year and summer I continued with research, I took the MCAT twice, I filled out my common applications, I sent my transcripts and scores in. The more I did research though, the more I felt this itch in the back of my head. "How could I give this up?" In a way, becoming a doctor felt constricting and linear. If I became an MD, all I could be was an MD. With research there were so many possibilities. I realized with research, I had the opportunity to choose the career I wanted from a long list of options. I spoke with others about it. Professors who had worked in the industry and academia and those who had also considered medical school. General, they'd had the same thinking as I. So I decided to go for graduate school instead, read about it here.

"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive"
-Robert Louis Stevenson

Learning Outcomes 5

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Classroom to Community

4/17/2015

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Journey of Critical Analysis

As students we often discuss what is means to "use your major", and whether what we're learning will actually be relevant later in life. I think I would feel fairly comfortable saying that there are pieces of all the classes I've taken that I still carry with me today. However, I don't think the bits of content and fun facts will be the parts that I remember. Instead, it will be the way of thinking that my professors have strived to instill: Critical thinking.

Like many other students, I came to college not knowing how to study, or the importance/meaning of critical thinking. I just glided through high school with somewhat minimal effort, and the extra effort I did put in was for memorization or creative efforts (like building a barn out of Popsicle sticks). Occasionally there was true problem solving.

So it wasn't until my sophomore year at NC State in a 350 seat intro Biology course that I had a professor that taught me how to study. It still wasn't much critical thinking, but she got me to the point were I would spend time going over the material on my own. It wasn't until my first semester at Radford in my Chemistry course in which I would spend time out of class pouring over the book. I've always struggled with memorization, but I found that if I understood the concepts behind some of the topics, they were easier to remember for tests. And my grades got better! Like magic.

I still wasn't a critical thinker, but I was on my way. The first step was realizing the difference between understanding and memorizing. After Chemistry, I got a lot more practice in Anatomy and Physiology; it always helps if the information is super interesting!

My critical thinking skills really became refined once beginning research. As described here, I initially read through the literature to gain background knowledge, and from that was constantly challenged to ask questions. That was when I realized I truly didn't know how. I was interested in the content, but when others said "Any questions?" my mind was blank. In Ecophysiology Lab meetings other students would ask questions and I still remember my eyes bugging out of my head as I thought "I never would've thought of that". As my critical thinking abilities grow I am also training myself to consider what is said. Plain acceptance of what professors tell you isn't being a critical thinker. It can take effort to be an active listener or reader.

Learning is more fun when you go for it, and not just let it happen to you. Critical Thinking is something I will take with me. It's how I'll use my major. AND: I will never stop developing and growing as a critical thinker.

Taking Critical Thinking Elsewhere

Leaving Radford with this valuable skill will make me a better researcher and a better citizen. I now look at things were hear in our day to day and seek evidence or further understanding. I not only take everything with a grain of salt, but seek conceptual background and information. How the idea of "Knowing" is subjective. It seems it should always be accompanied by "Knowing-as of right now". It is my goal to not my limited by my own thinking, but broadened.

Critical thinking is also a guide to the beginnings of self-realization, and the expansion of thinking beyond the self. As a scientist, this means acting and expanding my scientific thoughts, concerns, and interests beyond myself and to the community. I think it is not only the education of the community about topics such as Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals that is important, but that conscious decision to thinking critical about what they hear in the radio or read on the paper.

With much of my outreach, I have sought to guide the audience to the concepts instead of just telling them. I think it makes the conversation more relatable and memorable. That way, they can turn around and hopefully share it with the next person!

"Cogito ergo sum."
-René Descartes

Learning Outcomes 1, 5

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My Own Biases... About Myself as a Scientist

4/16/2015

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As I touched on in my very first post, coming into research has been a unique journey. I first attended the Ecophysiology Lab meetings because I had an extra semester before I would start Nursing School at RU and had heard from my now mentor, Dr. Sara O'Brien that it was a positive way to spend some extra time. She encouraged me to attend the lab meetings to "get my feet wet". So I went.

Dr. O'Brien had tried to prepare me. She sent me what was my first scientific paper ever and she told me it might be difficult and hard to read (my ego said "sure it will"). I remember her talking about this thing called BPA that I'd heard of but never understood. She used a lot of words that sounded made up at the time like Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals that affected the magical endocrine system. Despite the New Words buzzing in my head just under the scalp not quite finding their way in I left her office with this Magical Paper in my hands.

I probably spent hours trying to decode that thing. I might still have it somewhere, covered in blue and purple pen ink with side definitions and pink highlighted sections that I would probably smile at now. I had a general idea of what was going on...I remember I got stuck on the part where they sacrificed the mice through decapitation (because I read all the methodology).

So I went to the Ecophysiology meeting with my marked-up paper and tried to make friends with some well seasoned researchers...ALL upperclassmen who'd done things like "presented at conferences" and "done research"...whatever that meant. I nervously introduced myself and heard about everyone's research. At the time it all went over my head. And then, the paper discussion began...

It was amazing that I didn't get up and run out of the room; I'm sure I eyed the door a few times. As a began to further comprehend the paper (turns out I didn't get it at all), I was horrified. BPA does WHAT to baby mouse brains? Yes, I remember the details because it was so traumatic ;),

I thought, "I can't do this. I am not smart enough for this. I will never be like them. I'll never be able to comprehend this enough to discuss this," and as my eyes bugged out of my head I listened. It was also interesting. It was more interesting than anything I'd heard in my life and I needed to take part.
I tried to soak up as much knowledge I could so that I might be a Madagascar hissing cockroach in the room. I was an imposter but I would stay until they found me out.

"I tried to soak up as much knowledge I could so that I might be a Madagascar hissing cockroach in the room. I was an imposter but I would stay until they found me out."

I kept going to meetings and working hard to try and catch up. It was one of the few times in my life I'd felt behind. I impostered my way from Spring to Fall semester. I did my own literature and web searches. In October of that Fall I presented my first paper. It was a wonderful sense of freedom getting to choose my own paper on ANYTHING. I spent hours literature jumping to find something that I wanted to discuss with my lab mates, paper to paper. I still felt like I was faking it. Despite knowing significantly more about the topics and occasionally participating in paper discussions, I was often scared of sounding stupid.

Whether I realized it or not I continued to grow, to gain more knowledge about endocrinology, stress, reproduction, and even about my own biases in my thinking. I learned about social constructs and my own biases that influenced and hindered my critical thinking. That entire semester while I thought I was "tricking" them into having me, they were "tricking" me into learning. Joke was on me.

"That entire semester while I thought I was 'tricking' them into having me, they were 'tricking' me into learning"

The true test came when Dr. O'Brien pushed me into writing a grant proposal for the Biology Research Award to fund my "research". I still didn't believe it even then. It was December 4th, 2013. I texted her from work 2 HOURS before the proposal was due and said "I don't think I can do it". To me, the unsaid part was "I'll just go to Nursing School. It's safer." Dr. O'Brien called me and she talked me through it; she made it sound attainable. So I got off the phone and quickly typed up the proposal at work (it only had to be a page) and I submitted it two minutes before it was due.

After writing that proposal, I realized I had all the critical thinking skills needed to do this. The only thing standing in my way was ME. At that point I flipped the switched and really thought "I can do this, I am smart enough to do this." It just took practice, interest, and a willingness to learn.

Critical thinking just took practice. It took listening, learning, and asking questions to gain critical thinking, but it too work to get my confidence. I pretended until I realized that I can do it and it was a tad overdue.

Learning Outcomes 1

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My Future Goals

11/19/2014

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Where I'd like to end up

My short term goals are to find a graduate school that I feel is a good fit for me. I'd like to go to a PhD program in something related to Ecotoxicology or Exposure Science. I think a lot of work and research has gone into measuring pollutants, but not always into measuring their specific effects or in combination with other pollutants. I'd like to find the synergistic and accumulative effects on physical features and behaviors of wildlife being affected by them. Most recently my interests have been with fish, because as aquatic species, they are unable to escape pollutants that reach their waters. Therefore, I think fish will be one of the first species to display abnormalities resulting from pollutants like endocrine disrupting chemicals.
Post graduation, I'd like to continue determining the "safe" levels of exposure of various chemicals used today (or even better, before use). That could mean working for the EPA or USDA, or just doing research at a university. As a researcher, I will be an advocate for safe chemical practices in terms of use, disposal, and cleanup. I believe the policies for chemical use should be changed to prevent oversight.